Improving the English language for Germans

It is old news that the Germans’ use of the English language can be irritating at times. Nevertheless everybody understands them – regardless of how bad their accent or their grammar is (my dad is living proof). A lot of that is owed to the fact that America has always been an immigrant country where many newcomers didn’t speak proper English. American culture is forgiving of this. How about European culture? Just read this little story I found via Twitter. Thanks to Cindy King for posting this.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as re plasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

3 thoughts on “Improving the English language for Germans

  1. dat rillie mak mi brain hurt!
    On the other hand, my experience so far is, that people are more fascinated then annoyed or even irritated by the german accent. In the case that one is irritated, you can always reply” If your german is as good as my english, you are in the position to say something”. Otherwise….
    Liebe Gruesse,

  2. Pingback: Taking the “awful” out of the German language | Southeast Schnitzel

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